


Doorstep

by redtypewriter



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, Modern AU, One Shot, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-22
Updated: 2013-09-22
Packaged: 2017-12-27 07:02:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/975854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redtypewriter/pseuds/redtypewriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hawke and Anders need some time apart from eachother</p>
            </blockquote>





	Doorstep

**Author's Note:**

> all character belong to Bioware and all that  
> Thank you to Gwyn_Paige for editing

One Year Ago

Her fist hovered just above the door of the ragged apartment. She took her hand away and hung it by her side, reluctant to knock on the door. She just started to turn away from the door when it opened to reveal him still in his pajamas. He looked at her in mild surprise, but grinned a bit at the same time.

“Hawke! What on earth are you doing here at this hour?” Anders looked up and down the hallway, either searching for his newspaper, or seeing if she had anybody else accompanying her.

“Well, it’s almost noon, I figured you’d be up by now,” she said and flashed him a short smile.

“Ah, but you see, it’s almost noon on a _Saturday._ Realistically, I shouldn’t be awake for at least another hour and a half.” He took a step back and opened the door further. “And would you get the snow off your boots before you come in this time?” Hawke stomped her shoes, letting the brown snow fall onto the doormat.

She came into his cramped home. It was a cheap, wretched place, but always seemed to be the warmest of her friends’ homes. His stray tabby rubbed against her leg and she bent over to scratch him, her dark hair falling into her face.

Anders busied himself in the kitchen, making her a warm cup of tea. She finished taking off her coat and sat down on the couch; she liked watching him work, even if he was only making tea. He had a special way of moving his hands that she would sometimes see when she would stop into his work; she would lurk in doorways, waiting for him to finish chatting with patients or putting in an IV, or whatever it was that nurses did. She smiled to herself, thinking about how his hands were almost always in motion.

He came over with her favourite mug- the one with the little sleeping dragon cartoon on it- filled with steaming earl grey, and sat down on the armchair adjacent to the worn out sofa.

“So, what’s on your mind?” He looked at her, trying to figure out whether or not this was a serious visit.

“I, um.” She stopped and looked at her hands. _I should just leave,_ she said to herself, _it’s not worth it._

“Hawke?” He leaned forward, elbows resting on the knees that spread far apart due to his length of his legs.

“Look, I just want to,” _Maker, this is harder than I thought_ , “Anders, I just want to know where I stand.” He looked down at his hands.

“I mean, last month.” _You walked me home in the snow, your hand brushed against mine through gloved hands, you stood with me outside my building while I fiddled with my keys, you looked down at me and smiled. Last month I kissed you, and you kissed me back._ But she said nothing, and looked up at him, silently begging him to say something.

“Hawke, that was…” _Perfect. Wonderful. The best night of my life. A Mistake. A slip-up,_ he thought

“Right, okay, so that’s a no, then?”

He grimaced, he didn’t look at her, but he could imagine her crestfallen face. He wanted nothing more than to scoop her up into his arms and carry her into his room, toss her onto the single bed, and hear her scream his name over and over again- but that wasn’t going to happen.

“Look, Hawke, you’re really great, but--” He stopped when he realized he didn’t have anything to say. _But you’ve actually got something going for you and you don’t want to be tied down to a junkie, but I’m terrified of getting hurt when you inevitably realize that I’m an idiot and you don’t want to be around me anymore?_

“Okay, then, I guess I should go.” She started to stand up, and turned to face him. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to keep coming around, then. It’s just that I, um, it’s kind of,” she sighed, “painful. When you care about somebody and know it’s never going to happen. I have to move on, but I suppose you don’t really mind.” She spoke clearly, with careful word choice that he knew she only used when she was trying as hard as she could not to say something else.

 _Stop coming around,_ she had said, _he was never going to see her again_ .

“That’s probably best, sorry, Hawke, that I don’t feel...” He trailed off again.

“No, it’s fine, it’s my fault, really.” She fussed, trying to get all of her outdoor clothes on as quickly as she could. The final button of her coat fastened and she walked out the door.

 _Goodbye_ , he didn’t say.

 

One year later

“Sorry, sweetie, I’ve got to cancel, something came up,” Isabela said into the phone.

“I don’t want to spend time with your weird friends if you aren’t there.”

“Right, well I don’t really want to spend time with him either,” The Rivaini said.

“You _didn’t,_ ” Hawke said.

“I did, and it was terrible, and I don’t want to see him again, please, Hawke, just go, it will be fun. Besides, he already offered to bring somebody to replace me.”

“Fine, but you owe me, alright?”

“I owe you.” She hung up the phone, and put it in her pocket, trying to warm up her hands.

 

She walked through the snow to the theatre, keeping her head down to avoid the snow falling in her eyes.

She was late and went into the movie as it began. She quickly spotted Isabela’s friend and his guest and shuffled towards them. She sat down in the seat beside the other man that had accompanied him. The movie began and she fidgeted in her seat, trying to get off her coat. She could feel eyes on her; the man sitting next to her kept glancing in her direction. His knee started to bounce. Hawke put her elbow on the armrest, bumped into his arm and looked down and saw his hand slide into his lap. She glanced over at him and recognized the sharp nose and the messy blonde hair. Hawke turned her face sharply toward the screen, making her neck crack audibly in the process,as he looked at her again.

Neither of them paid attention to the movie.

They walked out of the theater after the lights brightened,and stood outside of the building.

“That’s too bad Isabela couldn’t make it. This is Anders, by the way,” the short man said.

Anders smiled and said, “Yes, I think we’ve met before.”

In that instant, it started to pour. He got his keys out of his pocket and ran towards his beat-up car, motioning for her to get in. Hawke hesitated, but took a step and opened the door of the junker.

 

They drove in comfortable silence. _It’s amazing,_ thought Hawke, _how so much can be brought back by a single smell._ That filthy old car that she had told him a thousand times to get rid of was now her fondest memory. She played with the peeling edge of the armrest. She looked at his hand caressing the steering wheel; he was shaking. She bit her lip and looked out the window.

“How long has it been?” she finally said.

“About a year,” Anders replied.

“No, that’s not what I mean. How long has it been since your last fix?” She looked over at him, hands still trembling.

“Same answer.” She saw him smile her smile, the crooked grin that was only for her, left corner of his mouth curled up, exposing the dimple she loved so much.

“You’re clean then?” She couldn’t help but smile.

“Yeah, I’m clean.” Her relieved laugh jingled in his ears, playing clearly over the ambiance of the junker’s engine and the dots of hail pelting down above them. They listened to the all-too-familiar music that played around them, and rested in silence, falling back into the rhythm of each other’s presence.

“I missed you,” Anders said quietly, half-hoping he would be drowned out by the torrential weather. _I quit for you, he wanted to say._ He had so many things he needed to tell her. __I miss you, I want you to be proud of me, I want to be good for you, I wish I wasn’t such an idiot before, I miss you, every day that I haven’t seen you I think about you, I made myself better for you, I love you, I love you, I’ve always loved you_ _ but there was nothing else he could make himself say.

“It was really nice to see you, Anders.” _I still can’t be around you, I still love you, I’m sorry, I miss you, I’m so proud of you, I have no excuse, I think about you every day, I love you._

She realized she was crying. They pulled up in front of her building. She opened the door and stepped out. The hail had turned back into snow. She walked up the brick steps and stood outside the door, fumbling with her key. She didn’t hear the car door close.

“Hawke,” Anders said from behind her, making her jump.

She turned around to face him. “Did I leave something in the car?”

He leaned forward and kissed her. He was hesitant, is was nothing more than his chapped lips pressed against hers. He reached out and put his hand on her cheek, she opened her mouth slightly, letting her tongue run across his bottom lip. He opened his mouth to let her inside. Anders tried to make it say everything that he couldn’t __I love you, I’m sorry, I want you to love me the way I love you._ Her hands came up to the back of his neck, pulling him closer, he felt something wet gracing his cheek. _ Hawke was crying.

She pulled away first. “Anders, please, don’t do this to me. You said you didn’t feel the same way. That’s not fair.” She looked up at him, his hand still rested on her cheek.

“I lied.” __I’ve always loved you, you looked so beautiful tonight, I can’t stand not being around you anymore_ ._ “I was a junkie, you deserved better than that.” __Why do you think I quit?_ _

“Are you fucking kidding me?” She started laughing. “I didn’t see you for a year because of an inferiority complex?”

“I don’t have a-” she kissed him again.


End file.
